Life is fair, indeed. But, it is full of unfair people.
I'm sorry but I admit I'm one of those unfair ones. Why? (let me reflect)
1) I still spend some of my energy to 'that person' when I still have a lot of responsibilities in life to meet.
I keep myself busy with things to do but every time I pause I still think of him.
- visiting his page, liking & commenting some posts in his fb wall
- crying over him when he has hurt me
- thinking about him at least 20 times a day & wondering what he's doing
- waiting for a time or moment to chat with him & knowing he's whereabouts and what-abouts
- forcing him to reveal something confidential when he is really not willing to share it so (just last night)
- being crazy about him when i really have to trust God for His Will
- asking people what's with him like letting those people see that I'm so damn crazy (sorry for the words)
- stealing time to open his mail & rarely his fb account when it should be privately for him (I'm so insane omg!)
Like they always mention I should marry someone who has good credentials in short they like GDC but I keep on strongly disagreeing about it because i like 'that person.' Well, I just realized they're indeed just right for guiding me. My dad has always been supportive & protective because he does not want my future to get lost just because of a wrong partner in life. My parents are right. Somehow, I realized how they loved me so much. My mom always gives me a compliment that "matalino ka nga anak..." but "tanga ka sa pag-ibig." She points out that my weakness is my heart though I have the 'brains'.
3) I'm unfair because I want 'that person' to be mine when it's really making me selfish & demanding.
I'm getting envious & jealous whenever i see something in his fb wall that will trigger my anger & bitterness.
I always want me, myself & I for him. (How selfish I am!)
You know, I'm giving my love without a righteous cause to 'that person'. Frankly, I see myself as a mentally unsound person wasting my time, energy, effort to 'him' when the Lord wants me to trust in His own plan for me. I always expect something from 'that person' that someday he'll love me for what & who I am where he really can't choose to. And I still allow 'him' to make me believe with what he call 'his cock-&-bull stories' (lies). I still give chance even if he has 'unreasonable' faults. (ayan tanga na ako di ba?) I still pretend that I am 'his' & 'he' is mine. (how yucky for you guys right?)
So, tell me what should I do. Feel free to comment before I lose my pride & self-esteem being crazy for 'the undeserving.'
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